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“good morning; my name is dr. heartsick, and i will be treating you today.

here is your mandatory dose of unrequited love; take one dosage every morning and two before bed. side effects may include

sleepless nights

loss of appetite

damp pillows

bloodshot eyes

mood swings

severe heartache

a disregard for society

an inability to express yourself in words

but don’t worry; if you take your doses for long enough, you’ll eventually get used to it all.”